Friday night I usually meet a friend for movie, dinner and/or a drink. But this time I decided to stay home and just relax. There was absolutely nothing on television. So, I decided to update my iPod and download some new music from iTunes (very addictive). While doing so I logged on to the various gay sites (Gay.com, Adam4Adam, Manhunt and even Craigslist). I was not looking for sex or even a chat. I was just having a good time listening to music and reading (yes actually reading) the profiles.
Some of the profiles were very creative, funny or interesting. But after a while I begin to read a reoccurring theme. A lot of guys (not just a few), alot of guys wrote stuff like:
- HIV Negative with date of results - and plan to stay that way.
- Bug Free
- Clean
Since I am newly POZ maybe I am being overly sensitive. But now that I think about it, those comments have always bothered me.
If you are HIV Negative, that is great and I truly hope you remain so. But I feel there is a lack of sensitivity and some form of negative judgment made about people who are HIV POZ. Or maybe unless it affects that person personally they just don't care.
Because most people contracted HIV from sex, I feel the average person has the thought "you did it to yourself, you should have been having safe sex" or "you should not have been a slut". It is all an assumption.
At the end of the day I know it is fear based (the assumptions - the judgments). But if you talk to anyone that is HIV POZ they will tell you, "I just want to be treated like everyone else - not special - not different - just fair and with respect".
So, if you are HIV Negative, please wear you HIV status proudly without putting POZs down to make yourself seem better, it wrong and insensitive.
Just as quickly as my life changed in one night from a broken condom, the same as happen to another. So think twice before you open or mouth or write a comment in one of your profiles online.
Very well said! Congrats on a great post!
ReplyDeleteI just discovered this blog. After reading the posts, it's one of my new favorites! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks man for reading. I know we all have busy lives and I appreciate you taking the time to read my little blog. This venue of communicating if very therapeutic for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that you're being hurt by the insensitivity. I have to admit, the 'clean/dirty' analogy lurks in many minds where I grew up. I was taught sex is filthy, reaffirmed in that by childhood rapes by a babysitter and cousins and told that as a filthy fag, God would punish me for defiling the body he gave me by means of a 'modern plague'..and that, as a rape victim, it was my fault, I was a whore and eternally befouled and defiled by what my abusers did. Looking back at it, its not suprising that HIV+ equals filth to Southern conservatives, I guess. I just wish they wouldn't spread their vile view to the next generation.
ReplyDeleteThere is indeed a balance to be had between sensitive and direct. I'm HIV- and I take steps to make sure I stay that way. I always use condoms but I do have sex with HIV+ guys.
ReplyDeleteBut on some level you really do want to be clear. There are a number of websites, some on your blogroll, that celebrate tricking a bottom into taking a load (see especially stealthing). I guess ultimately you can't stop someone who is really interested in deception, but you can at least in no uncertain terms say that isn't what you're looking for.
So there is a balance. I don't want to make HIV+ men feel bad about themselves. And hell, I do want to have sex with some of them. But I want to be clear about my intention to minimize risks.
Do you have any advice on a clear way to do that without being insensitive?
Don't let the FEW and RARE that are into deception be the gauge in which you judge/treat every HIV POZ person you meet. I read ALL types of blogs only a few are listed on my page. If you into dating/sex with ONLY HIV guys then I suggest stating "HIV NEG guys seeking same". Short, sweet and simple. If you are open to dating/sex with POZ guys then state "Safe Sex Only". If you are with the right guy, trust me he will also want to minimize the risk.
ReplyDelete