MONOGAMY...........The fairytale

Once upon a time
in a kingdom far, far away
lived a society of people
that formed their martial laws
based on the concept of
monogamy.

That kingdom today has a divorce rate of:

     According to "Enrichment Journal" on the divorce rate in America:

         First Marriage is 41%
         Second Marriage is 60%
         Third Marriage is 73%

Many times over dinner with friends I find myself in a conversation about "monogamy".  Someone will ask, "Would you be in an open ltr?" I have heard soo many hetero and homo males say "men are not monogamous by nature".  But, then someone will say that one word that confuses the entire conversation:

My response is always "In the words of Tina Turner, "What's Love Gotta To Do With It?".  I love ice cream (only vanilla LOL) but I am lactose intolerant.  But sometimes I will eat one spoon full too many and deal with the stomach cramps and gas.  Love, now that is a topic for another blog.

Monogamy is a concept created by the church (although most men in the Bible had many wives).  And the Bible say nothing about monogamy.  Before woman had birth control, monogamy was a way for a man to know if he was indeed the "father".

I have always been confused by the guys who try to model their homosexual relationship after a heterosexual relationship.  Sure, we can borrow some of the stuff that works.  But, outside of that you have to do what works for you and your partner.

To get to the point, it is all about:

SEX

When people come to grips with the fact that "sex" has nothing to do with "love" maybe this concept of monogamy will change..  You can not tell me that every guy you had sex with...you loved.  Sex is Sex and nothing more.  Even when you have a boyfriend, it is still just "sex" not "making love".  Guys and/or couples that understand that a relationship is based on respect, trust, understanding, love (that's a given), and whatever else you need that is specific to your relationship.

In my 42 years on the planet, I have had 4 ltrs (each 2 - 3 years).  I have lived in most of the major cities (Chicago, DC, NYC, SF and LA).  During that time I have meet couples who fall into one of these 4 categories:

1. Monogamous relationship but they don't have sex anymore and are sexually frustrated and bored.
2. Monogamous relationship and they are both cheating (don't ask don't tell)
3. Open relationship will no rules or boundaries and it usually ends out of jealousy and disrespect.
4. Open relationship with rules and boundaries.

I am was one of the couples that was doing option #4.  We had simple rules:

1. Don't bring home any STDs.
2. Our ltr is the priority.  Fit in your "play-time" where you can.
3. Don't do "it"  in our home.
4. I don't want to hear about your "playtime" from you are thru rumors - be discreet.  Don't try to meet men when we are together....meet men when you are alone...that is called respect.
5. I don't want to meet your "play thangs".

Can you really live the rest of your life having sex with the same person?  My answer is "hell naw".  If guys are more honest and communicate then cheating would not be an issue.  

For those of you that want a monogamous relationship, good for you and I wish you the best of luck.

This commerical is hilarious

On Thursday, FoxNews.com reported that Mancrunch.com, a gay dating site, was still waiting to hear if CBS would approve their Super Bowl ad. According to Mancrunch.com reps, "The 30-second spot shows two men excitedly watching the game, before their hands brush as they both reach into a bowl of chips. Suddenly, the two begin making out, much to the shock of a guy sitting close by."

Today, CNBC.com's "Mancrunch.com has just received a formal rejection of its ad from CBS."

Here is it for your viewing pleasure.  It is soo harmless and very funny.

Who is this bitch "Tina" and why is she soo popular?

No, I am not talking about TINA Turner.  

 No, I am not about ChrisTINA Applegate.

No, not ChrisTINA Aguilera. 

I am talking about this TINA - Crystal Meth - some call her "Tina".  Or it is one of the Ps in PNP (Party and Play).  Usually the Party LOL.

I WROTE THIS PARTICULAR BLOG not TO pass judgment OR preach.  I AM GENUINELY CURIOUS.  SO I STARTED MY RESEARCH WITH WHAT IS "TINA" AND WHERE DID IT COME FROM.  (info below)

So if you read my blog and have experienced this bitch named "tina" and want to answer my questions, PLEASE do:

1. Why did gay men start using meth?
2. Why is it soo popular?
3. When you use it, how does it make you feel?
4. PROs and CONs of using meth?

******************************************************************************************************

The History of Crystal Meth

Crystal Meth, which is short for methamphetamine in its crystallized form (as opposed to being either in a powder or rock formation), has become a very popular drug both in the United States and around the world. This drug, which was used almost three times more than crack cocaine in 1999, is not just a new fad. Crystal meth has been in existence close to one hundred years.

In 1893, Methamphetamine or crystal meth, was first developed from ephedrine. A chemist by the name of Nagayoshi Nagai was responsible for this creation. It wasn’t until 1919, that methamphetamine was turned into its crystallized form by Akira Ogata. Ogata was able to do this by reduction of ephedrine using iodine and red phosphorous. Amphetamine, which is a related drug, first came into existence in 1887 by a Lazar Edeleanu in Germany. Methamphetamine manufacturing initially began in the United States in Hawaii in the 1960s.

One of the earliest uses of methamphetamine occurred during World War II. The German military dispensed Pervitin which was methamphetamine. It was freely administered to both tank crews and aircraft personnel.  For last three years of Hitler’s life, 1942 - 1945, Adolf Hitler received daily IV injections of methamphetamine by his doctor, Theodor Morell. This was done as treatment for depression and fatigue. After World War II, what became known as “Shabu” or amphetamine became largely available in Japan.  In the 1950s methamphetamine became a more commonly prescribed drug. It was often prescribed for the following:

* narcolepsy
* alcoholism
* treatment of obesity
* and post encephalitic Parkinsonism.

By the 1960s there was a more significant use of illegally manufactured methamphetamines by users within their own homes. Since Crystal meth is made from everyday household chemicals and common household components, it makes it easy to manufacture. Today, instructions for making crystal meth can be viewed on websites and until quite recently, Sudafed, a major component of crystal meth can be purchased in bulk without question. An ounce of crystal meth worth up to $1000 can be made with just eighty dollars of products from your local hardware and pharmacy.   In the 1980’s use of methamphetamines peaked. In fact, San Diego, California was considered the methamphetmine capital of the North America by The Economist magazine.   The Combat Methamphetamine Epidemic Act of 2005, was written especially to combat the sales of of pseudoephedrine and ephedrine.
 

For this reason, crystal meth will have again appeared in the news yet again, creating an even more interesting history for itself than it has now.

STATE OF THE motherfuckin UNION

I consider myself a well rounded person.  So at 42 I do pay attention to politics.  I watched the State of the Union Address last night (1/27/2010) in it's entirety on CNN.

 A lot of what President Barack Obama had to say was common sense.  Put the following issues really got my attention:

First, I personally don't care if a person is Democrat, Republican, Green Party or Libertarian.  A good candidate is a good candidate.  A good idea is a good idea.  It goes not matter to me if the idea came from a another political party.  BUT, what pissed me off (I swear if a Catholic Nun crossed my path at this moment I would have "pimp slapped" her ass) was how the Republican side of the chamber did not clap or stand during the parts of the speech one would think everyone would be happy.  At the end of the day, we are all AMERICANS and it is time both parties work together toward a common cause.  That cause being build up the economy, lower the cost of health care, develop new jobs, keep America safe from terrorist and lower the national debt.  Did anyone notice how at the end of the speech the Republicans immediately leave?  The only ones that stick around are his friends.

 Second, national security.  It is definitely time to bring ALL of our troops back home.  Some battles you win some battles you lose.  We need to take came of home first before we fight some other country's wars.  Especially when we are fight against people who have been at odds with each other since biblical times.  These people are willing to die and kill for their cause because they believe the Koran has told them to do so.  To them this is a religious war, to us it is about oil and the attack on the WTC and Pentagon.

Third, The Supreme Court Justices.  As I looked at them sitting in front row.  My first thought was, why are they appointed for life?

Fourth, Health Care Reform.  I worked for a CIGNA Healthcare for 3 years. Insurance companies are NOT in the business of keeping your healthy (they want you sick this way you use the insurance and they increase your deductible and drop coverage in certain areas of care).  Pharmaceutical companies are not in the business of healing you (they want you to continue taking their drugs...it makes them money).  Canada, England, France and some other countries are free healthcare (free meaning tax papers pay for health care).  In those countries you go to any doctor and get treatment and don't pay a dime or pay a fixed deductible.  In my opinion, making money of someone's health is morally wrong.

Lastly, "Don't Ask - Don't Tell" - gays in the military.  First of all I was in the Navy for 10 years.  It was a great experience.  The shipmates I worked with once they got to know me did not have an issue with me being gay (actually became protective of me).  I was never it fear for my life or harassed.  {I have a lot of interesting experience I will share in future blogs.}  As the top ranked of all 5 (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard) of the branches of service sit there and did not clap when President Obama stated he would get rid of the "no gay in the military" policy.  I wanted to get on the next flight to DC and ask them, "how does a person's sexual orientation hinder you from service in the military?"  I refuse to believe a gay guy would say "I am just too gay today to pull the trigger".  Gays who join the military are there because they want to service their country.  If the gays made it thru boot and their advance training in their field, what is the issue?  The "Good Ole Boys" in charge sitting in their office at the Pentagon are basing their homophobia on stereotypes.  I listen to NPR and closed-minded people call in and say "They will want to be in drag while in their uniforms" (as if doing drag goes hand-in-hand with being gay - all these stupid generalizations) or "They will make other guys feel uncomfortable in the showers" (so gay men to do have professionalism and self control?  And we what every man we see?).  GUESS WHAT AMERICAN, GAYS ARE ALREADY IN THE MILITARY AND SERVING HONORABLY.

Gay people can also be fire fighters, construction workers, policemen, professional athletics and yes military servicemen.  In other countries military they don't care and don't ask the question.

 As a multi-racial, gay man living in America, I can not help but think that most of the criticism President Obama receives is due to him being Black.  This man has the toughest job in the world.  It is stated he will have the toughest presidency since "The Great Depression".  He has to fight two wars going on at the same time, get thru the recession, build up the economy, fight terrorism, lower the cost of healthcare, create more jobs and all of this is 4  - 8 (If re-elected).  This mess did not happen in 1 year so why most expect everything to be fixed in 1 year is beyond me.  The most annoying thing is that NONE of the critic have a better idea/suggestion on who to fix/solve any of the before mentioned issues.

Just my opinion.  America is the best place on the planet to live but when it come to some issues we can learn a lot from other countries.

Sex Clubs vs. On-line Hook Ups

Picture this, it is 1986.  I remember a time when no one had a home personal computer.  When HIV arrived on the scene most cities closed down all their sex club/bath houses.  A lot of guys were still deep in the closet.  So, most guys meet in gay clubs for sex.  It was very normal to have your name and number pre-written on a piece a paper to hand out to a potential fuck buddy.  And it was totally acceptable to meet a guy and bring with home with you that night. 

Now let's jump to 2010, everyone has a computer and even phones that can access the internet.  Most cities have many sex clubs and bath houses (if you don't know the difference....Google it....LOL).  The ignorance and fear of HIV has subsided.  It is not considered abnormal to be gay.

BUT now, "Houston we have a problem", some of us are lacking the social skills to encounter/meet in person.  You can now sit in the safety of your home and ask question and be just a rude are you want to be.  A lot of you know you don't have the balls to say the stuff you state online via Manhunt, Gay.com, BBrts.com and Adam4Adam to a guy's face.  With the help of PhotoShop, a lot of guys have mastered the art of altering their pictures.  The biggest issue for me is the amount of time wasted on-line with a guy who may show up and look like Shrek but his picture is Alex Rodriguez (hey, I can dream).  Or the guy does not show up at all.

A while back I was having dinner with a friend.  He made the statement that going to a sex club or bath house was gross.  I have been to both types of venues and yes something I did see some monsters having sex.  And I have personally had some great times.  So I decided to let my mind go deeper into the topic.  And the results actually shocked me.  I believe sex club/bath houses are a necessity.  Here are my reason why:

• Not wasting time on the computer and end up with nothing.
• You see what you want and go after it.
• No lies or games because you get to see the guy right there on the spot.
• Do what your need to do and leave.
• If you live a very busy life and don't have time to date or just don't want to date BUT you want sex, so to your local sex club/bath house.

At the end of the day it is your choice, hookup on-line or go to the sex club.  Does anyone date anymore?  But that is another blog topic.

I'm Sorry....soo sorry.

 
I am sick and tired of people saying "I'm sorry or I apologize".  Especially when they don't mean it.

For quite some time actors, singers, sports figures, politicians and religious leaders have made fucked up racial, homophobia or sexist statements.  Then the media is all over it and you read or hear about the statement in the news.  Out of pressure from their public relations reps, fear of losing popularity or money/endorsement that person makes a public statement of apology.  I say, "fuck your apology, it is time people are held accountable for their actions and verbal communication is an action".

The straw that broke the camel's back for me was with Pat Robertson.  This so-called religious leader stated "Haiti had a massive earthquake because they made a deal with the devil.  Now they are going to hell".
WTF?!?!?!

Rush Limbaugh goes on the radio and tells false truth and misleads listeners everyday on the radio.  When he over-steps a boundaries.  All he has to do is apologize.  And although his words hurt people and mislead people he still gets to keep his $28Million a year job.

Words are very powerful.  They can build you up or tear you down.

Famous people are paid to do a job.  What has happened to our society that we value the opinion of a person just because they are famous?

 Get caught in a lie.....just apologize.

Your naked pictures are discovered on the internet......just apologize.

Interrupt the President of the United States and call him a lair.......just apologize.

Call another actor a faggot on the the air during an award show.....just apologize.

Call Obama a racial slur.....just apologize.

Beat up your girlfiend.....just apologize.

Steal millions of dollars.....just aplogize.

 I am willing to bet that 9 out of 10 of the people who have had to make a statement of apology, are not apologizing for the statement.  They are really apologizing for getting caught making an inappropriate statement.

The funny part is that for some strange reason they sometimes check into rehab.  Rehab does not change the fucked up stuff that rolls off your tongue.

Anyway, the point of my venting is, "I believe in free speech.  But if you are going to make the statement, then stand by your statement and don't take it back".  "If you make a false or misleading statement, there should be consequences (such as losing an million dollar endorsement)".

Ok, I am off my soap box now...LOL

Does Size Really Matter?

Dick size!!!  I hear gay men and woman talk about dick size all the time.  Is there something wrong with me that I don't care about dick size?  Hell, I am not even a couch watcher.

I read a lot of profiles that read "must be hung".  That statement leads me to ask, "What size is "hung"? And, "Just how big is your asshole that you need that much dick" LOL.

As gay men (some of us) are soo hard on each other.  We judge each other on:

     1.  Dick Size

     2.  Level of Masculinity

     3. Body

     4. Hair or smooth

     5. HIV Status

     6. Appearance

     7. If you have money

     8. If you work in the "business" and which celebrities you know (This is for the LA fags).

     9. What part of town do you reside.

    10. Age (in the gay world once you hit 35 you are invisible and considered old).

My point is, that is a lot of pressure.  That is why some men lie about their dick size.  That is why most of the men on-line state they are "hung" or list a size of 8 and above.

I have meet men all sizes of dick such as:

     1.  "Oh man, how sad and you really don't want to laugh - it is the size of a 2 year old.

     2.  Okay, it's a dick....its average...no big deal.

     3.  Interesting, average length but very thick.

     4.  OMG man, that is a pretty dick...nice thickness and length

     5.  Hell nah, don't bring that monster anywhere near me.

I can honestly say, if I had a good time or a bad time it had nothing to do with the guy's dick size.  It was really about the connection and chemistry.

I have to admit I do love mushroom shaped dicks that are veiny.  I love feeling the veins pulsate in my mouth.

A ex lover of mine was definitely hung.  It was a nice length and thick.  He had the same issue that I seem to encounter with men who are "truly" hung.  Which is:

      1.  Some can never really get HARD (some guys use a cocking).

      2.  Because they are hung they tend to be lazy in bed.

As a versatile top I have to say, I HATE HATE fucking a loose ass.  In order for the guy to get that ass tight again he would have to go months without getting fucked.  Fucking a loose ass is like giving a whale a tick tack.  No matter what position you put the bottom in, no matter what direction you try it "hit it"...there just is no fraction.  I feel like I have to tie a board to my ass or I might fall in.  Note for you guys that are looking for the biggest dick you can find, beware of becoming loose to the point of no return. LOL  I will take an average size dick on a great guy anyway.  Now, a flat ass is not negotiable...sorry LOL.  Hey, I am an ass man.  But that is another blog coming soon.

I was curious about what is the "average" size for dicks.  I found the following information:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/penissize.htm

Check it out, it is quite information.  The average size dick is 3 inches on soft and 5 - 6 with an erection.

What is your opinion, is dick size important?

Becoming POZ at 42

 
This is probably the main reason why I decided to start a blog. NEVER never at the age of 42 would I think I would become Poz. Writing a blog has allowed me to vent my thoughts with no fear of what others think.

I survived my 20's and 30's without getting HIV. I remember hearing on the news when I was in high school that there was this "gay cancer". The media stated that if you are gay you will eventually get what they later called HIV".

I knew since birth that I was gay. I have since birth had a fear of pain and dying. The whole when will death happen, how it will happen and will it be painful. I had such a fear of getting HIV that I joined the military. Yes I joined the military thinking it would make me heterosexual. This means I would not get HIV. Stupid, stupid me. I meet soo many gay men and women but that is a blog for another day.

Okay I digress, back in August 08 I got my regular test for HIV and I was negative.  There was a guy I was "hanging out" with regularly.  We would go to movies, dinner, out for drinks on the weekend.  He is versatile and I am more of a top.  Later in the dating scenario I feel guilty that he was willing to bottom each and every time and I made no attempt to bottom.  So, one night in September I decide I would give him some ass.  Because he is well endowed we had to take it nice and slow. With a lot of patience and lube he finally got his over-sized "love stick" into my "sugar walls".  THAT NIGHT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD BOTTOMED IN 9 YEARS. He is the silent type during sex.  The only way I knew he came was because I felt the liquid in my ass.  I instantly told him to "pull out" which hurt like crazy.  I was embarrassed because I thought I had an "accident".  When he pulled out that is when we realized, he had burst thru the condom.  Yes, you read it right.  WE WERE NOT BAREBACKING - HE WAS WEARING A CONDOM.  I went to the bathroom and tried to push the cum out of my ass.  Nothing came out because it was deep inside.  You might think this is weird but at that very moment, something said to me "You are now infected".  I got off the toilet and soaked in the tub and silently mourned the death of my HIV status.  Dramatic but true.  I was not aware that I was in mourning at that moment.  But, when I look back on that night that is essentially how I felt.

Now is it October 08 and I am in Palm Springs lying by the pool at the JW Marriott.  Sorry, I don't really care for the sex clubs / bath house disguised as gay resorts in Palm Springs.  When I returned back to LA from PS, my entire body broke out.  My entire body peeled after about a week.  So, I assumed it was sun burn or an allergic reaction to the sun screen.  Because my skin has always been sensitive.  Being a light skin, mixed man I do think I look better with a tan otherwise I am definitely what Black people would call "high yellow".

Now it is March 09 I go out for Chinese food at Ghensis Cohen.  The very next morning I woke up with a swollen face and my entire body had a rash.  It took 2 months for my body to get back to normal.  Again I thought maybe now I had an allergic reaction to the food.  I had a dish called "seafood delight".  I talked to a friend of mine and we went on-line and I had all the symptom of an allergic reaction to shellfish.  So, I tossed it up as at the age of 41 I am now allergic to shellfish.  BUT, the weird part is that I also had some type of head cold.  My ears were completely clogged up and I could barely hear.

This is the weirder part, I was having night sweat and I just thought maybe the heat is up too high and the lotion all over my body is making me hot.  Anyway back to the weird part, I had a dream that the guy was going to call me and tell me he was now POZ and that I should get tested.  I woke up in the middle of the night and could not go back to bed.  One week from the dream I built up my courage to take the oral test, it came back stated it needed to be re-tested.  This meant I needed to go into the clinic for the blood test.  I guess I was converting during that time.  I took the oral test on a Sunday.  When I tell you that on Friday I got a call from the guy and everything happened just like my dream stated.  I was not able to get the blood test until Tuesday because Monday was a holiday.

On June 16, 2009 I was officially diagnosed at HIV POZ.  A month later I received my viral load (246) and TCB-4 (600) count.  At this point I am not on medication.  My body is fighting the virus by itself and I have a very weak strain of the virus.

I have good and bad days.  On the bad days I think:

1.  Why me?  I was not BBing or PNPing or even drunk.
2.  Why me? I was not being a slut.
3.  Why did I bottom when I don't enjoy it anyway?
4.  Maybe I should not have shaved my ass - the friction probably broke the condom.
5. Maybe we did not use enough lube.
6. Why the fuck did the condom break?  It takes an action of God to get the plastic wrapper off a CD.
7. The fuck was not even good.  If I were going to bottom and become POZ I at least want to look back at that night and say "damn he fucked me good that was great sex".

So, now the journey begins to remain mentally and physically strong.

Craigslist.org Code

Since I got laid off work I have had a lot of time on my hands. I was watching the news and heard how this photographer would meet "wanna-be" model via a Craigslist ad. So, me being nosey, I thought I would check it out. Many year later I find that I still from time to time go on Craigslist.org just to read the fucked up ads. Over the year I had figured out a way to read between the lines. I am a big believer in spreading the knowledge. So, anything I learn I will pass it on. Here it goes:

* If there ares no pictures posted = He does not have a picture. But will not tell you until you send yours.
* If you see a picture of a guy that is unbelievably hot = It is a picture he stole from a magazine or website.
* If the guy states an age over 35 = You really should add 5 - 10 to the age he listed. Guys who are truly 18 - 35 don't consider themselves old. For some reason in the gay life 35 is the magic number to start lying about your age.
* If you notice a picture that is perfect or fuzzy = Either a good or bad photo-shop attempt.
* If the guys states he is on the DL or girlfriend out of town = A gay guy trying to make himself more marketable LOL. Everyone knows about Craigslist, so what DL or guy with a girlfriend would post his picture on the site.
* If the ad is posted after midnight = I am PNPing and looking for some action.
* Guys who post random statement or questions = I don't have a life and I am sitting in front of my computer and just need some attention LOL.

If Craig knew his simple web site would turn into one of the major way to find some "action", I wonder if he would have changed his mind.

Purpose for my Blog

The purpose of my "blog" is an outlet for my thoughts.

In this "blog" I will talk about the following:

1. Becoming HIV POZ at the age of 42.
2. Sex
3. Politics
4. Religion
5. Life Experiences
6. Misc. thoughts
7. Being mixed (Black and white)in America
8. Being Gay in America
9. Questions and Answers
10. Current Events

At first I was nervous about total strangers reading a page from my life. Then I got excited about the potential of 100s of guys reading my blog. Then I realized I was losing the sole purpose of why I decided to do a blog. I JUST WANTED A VENUE TO ANONYMOUSLY JUST SAY WHAT IS ON MY MIND.

Even if I don't have 1 follower, it is liberating to just be able to type out my thoughts.