MONOGAMY...........The fairytale

Once upon a time
in a kingdom far, far away
lived a society of people
that formed their martial laws
based on the concept of
monogamy.

That kingdom today has a divorce rate of:

     According to "Enrichment Journal" on the divorce rate in America:

         First Marriage is 41%
         Second Marriage is 60%
         Third Marriage is 73%

Many times over dinner with friends I find myself in a conversation about "monogamy".  Someone will ask, "Would you be in an open ltr?" I have heard soo many hetero and homo males say "men are not monogamous by nature".  But, then someone will say that one word that confuses the entire conversation:

My response is always "In the words of Tina Turner, "What's Love Gotta To Do With It?".  I love ice cream (only vanilla LOL) but I am lactose intolerant.  But sometimes I will eat one spoon full too many and deal with the stomach cramps and gas.  Love, now that is a topic for another blog.

Monogamy is a concept created by the church (although most men in the Bible had many wives).  And the Bible say nothing about monogamy.  Before woman had birth control, monogamy was a way for a man to know if he was indeed the "father".

I have always been confused by the guys who try to model their homosexual relationship after a heterosexual relationship.  Sure, we can borrow some of the stuff that works.  But, outside of that you have to do what works for you and your partner.

To get to the point, it is all about:

SEX

When people come to grips with the fact that "sex" has nothing to do with "love" maybe this concept of monogamy will change..  You can not tell me that every guy you had sex with...you loved.  Sex is Sex and nothing more.  Even when you have a boyfriend, it is still just "sex" not "making love".  Guys and/or couples that understand that a relationship is based on respect, trust, understanding, love (that's a given), and whatever else you need that is specific to your relationship.

In my 42 years on the planet, I have had 4 ltrs (each 2 - 3 years).  I have lived in most of the major cities (Chicago, DC, NYC, SF and LA).  During that time I have meet couples who fall into one of these 4 categories:

1. Monogamous relationship but they don't have sex anymore and are sexually frustrated and bored.
2. Monogamous relationship and they are both cheating (don't ask don't tell)
3. Open relationship will no rules or boundaries and it usually ends out of jealousy and disrespect.
4. Open relationship with rules and boundaries.

I am was one of the couples that was doing option #4.  We had simple rules:

1. Don't bring home any STDs.
2. Our ltr is the priority.  Fit in your "play-time" where you can.
3. Don't do "it"  in our home.
4. I don't want to hear about your "playtime" from you are thru rumors - be discreet.  Don't try to meet men when we are together....meet men when you are alone...that is called respect.
5. I don't want to meet your "play thangs".

Can you really live the rest of your life having sex with the same person?  My answer is "hell naw".  If guys are more honest and communicate then cheating would not be an issue.  

For those of you that want a monogamous relationship, good for you and I wish you the best of luck.